Letting Go Of Your Past
How to Deal With Your Mistakes and Move On

Letting go of your past – whether it's quitting an addictive relationship or grieving a death – can be one of the hardest things you'll ever do. Even if it was a painful relationship and you had to let go of your past for your own sanity, you still may struggle with saying good-bye.

It's not easy, but there are practical ways to let go of your past and move on. Before you delve into letting go and saying good-bye to your past, however, you may need to face your memories and experiences. If you're dealing with your mistakes, you'll certainly have to accept responsibility for your actions.

Six Steps to Letting Go of Your Past:

1. Write, talk, draw, paint, or otherwise tap into your thoughts and memories. Letting go of your past means honoring your memories.
2. Let go of the emotions and feelings of painful memories by letting them wash over you – you'll feel horrible during, but relieved and peaceful afterwards. Let go of your past by reliving it.
3. Go back and talk to the people involved, if possible. Letting go of your past can mean going back.
4. Share your real feelings; confess if it's appropriate. Letting go of your past means expressing your emotions. If you have to deal with your mistakes, then own up to your shame or guilt.
5. Apologize and ask forgiveness if you need to. Letting go of your past means being vulnerable.
6. Get help with uncontrollable urges to overeat, get stoned or drunk, or otherwise hurt yourself. Letting go of your past means burying your pride.

Letting go of loved ones – whether it's a divorced spouse, dead child, estranged brother, or euthanized pet – is difficult to do. Letting go of your past requires effort and energy, but your own strength and courage will kick in. You'll not only survive, you'll be wiser, more peaceful, and more centered than before if you learn to let go of your past.

What is letting go of your past?

Letting go of your past means accepting that there's nothing you can do to change the past. You did the best you could. When you're facing your failures, know that you were as good, loving, and effective as you could have been. If you were to go back, you couldn't do anything differently because that's who you were and that's what you knew then. It's done. Let go of your past.

Letting go of your past means forgiving yourself for your mistakes. Ruminating on what you could've or should've done is ineffective and unhealthy. If you're dealing with your mistakes or facing your failures, try to forgive yourself.

Letting go of your past means being aware of your thoughts. When you find yourself dwelling or obsessing over the past or the person you lost, gently draw your thoughts back to the present. Let go of your obsession, whether it's an addictive relationship or lost child.

Letting go of your past means trusting the nature of time. You will heal and move on. Your wound will slowly close up and soon only a faint scar will remain - if you let go of your past.

Letting go of your past means making new connections with people. You don't necessarily have to make a whole new set of friends; you can initiate a new type of friendship with a colleague or invite a neighbor over for coffee. If you talk about facing your failures, you'll be better able to actually face your failures.

Letting go of your past means seeking balance in your conversations. It's important to vent and share your pain and sadness, and it's equally important to show your interest in other people's lives. Letting go of your past means letting go of yourself.

Letting go of your past means exploring a new world. Take a new course at the community college or start a new hobby. To let go of the past, start looking in new directions!

Letting go of your past means volunteering your time. There are hundreds of interesting opportunities that will help you say good-bye to the past. Visit a volunteer website or centre in your city. Move out of your comfort zone: if you're a mom and wife, try building a Habitat for Humanity home or spending time with seniors.

When you're letting go of an ex-partner, you should seriously consider whether it's wise to spend time together -- or if you should let go altogether. Maybe you're still in love, or were abused, and have confused thoughts and feelings. Taking a break may be the wisest course of action -- and so might be totally letting go.

Source: Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen (suite101.com)

Letting Go Of A Relationship

There are many reasons that we have trouble letting go of a relationship, or of the person that we care about - even if we are still in that relationship. There are many reasons to also let go of a relationship... even though it can be hard.

There are ways that you can try to let go of your relationship, past or present, and look to a brighter future... with healthy relationships, and a happy mind.

Realize It's Over

The first step to letting go of a relationship is to accept that it is, indeed, over - that your future is in your own hands, and you are, right now, by yourself, without anyone else there. It can be scary, without a doubt, but you need to face it.

No matter what sort of closing your relationship might, or might not, have had, you need to accept that it's over. You and your previous partner are no more, and there is nothing that you can do about it.

Don't Press the 'Pause' Button

Ever feel like you're sitting stagnant, waiting for your ex to come back to you? Perhaps like feel that you can't move on? You know, ever second that you spend thinking about them is a second that you could be living life to the fullest.

Don't put your entire life on hold because of that person - letting go of a relationship means moving on, so do that! Pick up a new hobby, indulge in an old one. Spend time out with friends, and keep your life moving steadily forward. Don't let yourself pause to miss your ex, or think about it. Realize that life can continue without them.

Do What You Have to Do

Perhaps it's not you that is having trouble letting go, but your ex - maybe they're calling you, begging you, and hoping that you'll come back? It's possible, and often, it happens to the best of us. Because of this constant contact, we're unable to let go of a relationship, and move forward.

Do what you have to do to stop this. You need to flat out tell your ex - with all due respect to both of you - no. No, you will not get back with them. No, you don't love them anymore, and they need to move on with their life. If you must, end contact with mutual friends, and change your phone number.

Sound harsh? Maybe. But it's unhealthy for you to be strung along, and you're certainly not doing your ex any favors by humoring them. It's bad for you both, and the sooner that you realize it, the sooner that you both can move on.

Overall...

Letting go of a relationship is never easy, but you can do it. Work at it, and realize that, no matter what, there's nothing you can do to change the past. Go forward, and hope for the best.

Source: Free Dating Tips for Guys.com

LETTING GO TAKES LOVE

To let go does not mean to stop caring,
it means I can't do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off,
it's the realization I can't control another.
To let go is not to enable,
but allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means
the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another,
it's to make the most of myself.
To let go is not to care for,
but to care about.
To let go is not to fix,
but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their destinies.
To let go is not to be protective,
it's to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny,
but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold or argue,
but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
To let go is not to criticize or regulate anybody,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.

To let go is to fear less and love more
Remember: The time to love is short

Source: Author Unknown (community4me.com)

THE LETTING GO

Letting go. It is difficult for us in so many ways and on so many levels. Yet life calls upon us to do it, over and over again. Letting go is part of our growth process. We cannot move on to the new while continuing to cling to the old.

There come a times, in the context of love and romance, when we must learn to let go. For some of us, as described in the song, we must let go of a past romantic relationship. Maybe the relationship was not meant to be: perhaps it was hurtful to us, or perhaps it was hindering the personal or spiritual growth of one or both partners. In this case, even when there may still be feelings of passion, or attraction, or just the comfort of the familiar, we must be strong in letting go of something that is unhealthy for us. … Perhaps we have no problem leaving the person behind, but we continue to harbor animosity. In this case, we need to let go of the anger: holding onto anger does not serve us - and it might even serve to create problems in our physical health or emotional well-being. … In the realm of romantic relationships, some of us need to let go of unrealistic expectations. Whether we have idealized a past relationship or just read too many romance novels, some of us need to let go of the myth of the perfect lover: the fantasy of a relationship that requires no work and just brings us "happily ever after." By letting go, I am not implying "to forget" or "to ignore." By all means, we should carry with us the happy memories and the lessons we have learned from our past relationships. However, we need to let go in the sense of releasing emotional baggage we may be carrying around with us, so that we may be open to, and present for, a new relationship.

Some of us have difficulty letting go of a friend or loved one who has passed away. I have known mothers who have lost a young child who never seem to cope with this loss, emotionally: they carry it with them for years, like a dark and ominous cloud that -- even on a sunny day - looms on the horizon. Children can have as hard a time losing their parents, even when the parents have lived long and full lives. Often adult children who have lost a parent before working through interpersonal issues, or before having an opportunity to say goodbye, have difficulty letting go of unresolved issues or guilt. Sometimes we may need to go for some counseling or do a ritual (some act with personal meaning) to allow us to release these emotions.

Many of us have trouble letting go of old ways of viewing people who have been part of our lives for an extended period of time. They may be changing, and yet we do not let go of viewing them in the same way, and/or we try to discourage that change. We refuse to let go of the labeling, categorizing, and pre-set expectations we have of those we know, and of ourselves. This seems particularly true of many parents of teenage or young adult children. Many parents have a difficult time letting go of them as children, and allowing them to grow up. It is hard for parents to make that transition from treating their children as kids, to treating them as adults and more like friends. Many of these same parents have trouble letting go of viewing themselves, primarily, in the role of parent. For instance, some mothers are afraid to let their kids become grownups, because they are afraid to let go of their own identity as "mother." They have become so identified with that one role, that they no longer are sure who they are, outside of that role. When we refuse to let go of old ways of identifying and viewing ourselves and others, we hinder the growth and change that is occurring.

There is a saying: Let Go, Let God. For most, if not all, of us, the letting go that we most need to do is a type of surrender. We need to surrender to life, itself. This means that we need to let go of our illusion that we actually can control most aspects of our lives. In many cases, rather than to fight "what is," we need to learn to accept and to be at peace… Too many of us are trying to keep a tight grip on things that are out of our control. This is like trying to grip the water flowing in a river. Put your hands into the river. If you try to get the water by grabbing it and clenching your fists, it goes right out of your hands. If you relax and open, gently cupping your hands, the water flows into your palms. By relaxing, opening, and trusting, we can hold onto more of what is precious to us. By letting go, we actually allow more of the mystery of life to come in for us.


Source: Leslie Karen Lobell, M.A (The art of loving)